The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and powerful Oracle... > > Hi, I'm The Internet Ocular.  I keep getting e-mails intended for you. > It doesn't happen too often, so it's not a bother.  How do you want to > go about dealing with this?  I could just forward them to you when I > get them or would you like me to just collect them together into a > digest?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:54 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-01 } } Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > The other day I saw a pirate dog, you know with a patch } > and a wooden leg. My sister said, "Look at that dog with } > one eye!" So I covered one eye and looked at it, but it } > didn't really look all that different than when I viewed } > it with one eye. What gives? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } I see. Next time swagger up to the dog and say in your } } best John Wayne voice, "Pilgrim, I know who done shot yer } } Pa." } } } } You must see about giving The Ocular a salty dog, hold the } } the scurvy. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:55 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-02 } } Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > How does one get black eyed, peas? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Usually by fighting over chick peas. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:56 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-03 } } Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > How can I catch the eye of that cute guy in Math class? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Practice your fly fishing and hook him in one of his big } } blue peepers. } } } } You must see your way to giving the Ocular a nightcrawler. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:58 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-04 } } Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > Deer InteRNUT Ocular, } > } > What doo you say to A man with A glass EYe named JOberinski? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Ask him what his other eye is called. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:59 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-05 } } Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > I tried getting my husband some glasses, but he's still } > not seeing things my way. What can I do? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Get an Eye-vorce. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:100 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-07 } } Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > The sun! It's blinding me! I've been } > decapitated and I'm face up in a wicker bucket! } > What can I do? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Squint, while you're a head. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:101 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-08 } } Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > What did the law pupil say to the judge? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Iris my case. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:102 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-09 } } Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > I C U! } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Me too. } } } } You must see your way to giving the Ocular a AOL CD. } } ------------------------------ } } Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:103 -0500 } From: Internet Ocular } Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-10 } } Selected-By: EYE N. Davis (aka end) <end@it.now> } } The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply. } Your question was: } } > Can I wear glasses when I play contact sports? } } And in response, thus spied the Ocular: } } } Why not? People with only one bottom play tennis. } } } } Wait, that. Hmm. Sorry, I just got back from NYC. } } I flew in on the Red Eye and boy are my arms covered } } with vitreous fluid. Thank you! Thank you! I'll be } } here all week! Be sure and tip the waitresses! } } =================================================== } end } ***************************************************