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} Not with an attitude like that. I mean, no grovel at all, not even a,
} "Hey, Orrie." It looks like you need to work on your people skills.
} Here's a little quiz for you:
}
} 1. You meet a woman in a bar and, to strike up a conversaion, you ask
} her for the time. She turns back to continue talking with her friends.
} You...
} a) ...smile and move on.
} b) ...say, "What's the matter, you on the rag?"
} c) ...club her over the head and drag her out.
} d) ...follow her home and commit hari kiri on her porch.
}
} 2. Your boss walks into your office at 4:47 and drops a stack of papers
} on the desk. "I need a report on this first thing in the morning," he
} says. You...
} a) ...say, "Certainly, sir," and begin working on the report
} immediately.
} b) ...grumble under your breath and flip him off as he leaves.
} c) ...wait until he leaves, then break into his office and urinate
} in his desk drawers.
} d) ...follow him home and commit hari kiri on his porch.
}
} 3. You're in line at the checkout with a cart full of items. An elderly
} woman with a single can of beets asks if she can cut in line. You...
} a) ...smile and say, "Certainly, ma'am."
} b) ...glare at her and say, "Back of the line, Granny."
} c) ...knock the can from her hand, then kick her as she bends to
} pick it up.
} d) ...follow her home and commit hari kiri on her porch.
}
} 4. Some coworkers stop by your office to invite you to come along for
} lunch. You...
} a) ...grab your coat.
} b) ...grab your door and slam it shut.
} c) ...grab the closest one, drag him to the bathroom, and give him a
} swirly.
} d) ...follow them and commit hari kiri on the restaurant porch.
}
} 5. You need to make a phone call, but you don't have any change. You...
} a) ...stop someone and ask politely if they can break a five.
} b) ...stop someone and start going through their pockets.
} c) ...stop someone and beat them senseless, then go through their
} pockets.
} d) ...follow someone home and commit hari kiri on their porch.
}
} 6. You're at the annual office Christmas party, and the boss's wife,
} obviously drunk, begins making lewd suggestions and gesturing toward the
} supply closet. You...
} a) ...politely decline, then find some friends to talk to.
} b) ...say, "Why bother with the closet?" and prop her up on the
} nearest desk.
} c) ...take her in the closet, beat her senseless, then go through
} her pockets.
} d) ...follow her into the closet and commit hari kiri on her lap.
}
} 7. You've just received an eviction notice, despite the fact that you've
} always paid your rent on time. You...
} a) ...go down to the rental office and politely ask what the problem
} is.
} b) ...bring your lawyer to the rental office and threaten to sue
} everyone in sight.
} c) ...bring a shotgun to the rental office and kneecap everyone in
} sight.
} d) ...go down to the rental office and commit hari kiri on the
} porch.
}
} 8. Down on your luck romantically, you answer a personal ad. When your
} date shows up, it's obvious she's lied about her weight, looks, etc.
} You...
} a) ...compliment her, take her out anyway, and discover she has a
} wonderful personality and is loaded, to boot.
} b) ...roll on the floor laughing hysterically, then slam the door.
} c) ...push her down the stairs while screaming, "Liar! Liar!"
} d) ...step outside and commit hari kiri on your porch.
}
} 9. You're at your extended family's Christmas party, and your
} great-grandmother is standing underneath the mistletoe. You...
} a) ...step up, kiss her gently on the cheek, and whisper, "Merry
} Christmas!"
} b) ...tilt her back, tongue-kiss her, and shout, "You've still got
} it, Granny!"
} c) ...push her out of the way, drag your brother's wife over, and
} start feeling her up.
} d) ...sit in the punch bowl and commit hari kiri.
}
} 10. You're sitting in the boss's office, and he asks you, "So, why
} should I give you that promotion?" You...
} a) ...explain how much you do for the company, and what you think
} you can bring to the new position.
} b) ...say, "Why not?"
} c) ...say, "You suck."
} d) ...climb on his desk, weeping unconsolably, and commit hari kiri.
}
} Now, give yourself 1 point for every (a) answer, 2 points for (b), etc.
} If you scored:
}
} 10-15: Your people skills are fine. I'm sure the brusque tone of your
} question was merely due to the stress of having so many friends.
}
} 16-25: You have some definite problems, but nothing that can't be
} fixed. Try not to be so impulsive, remember to use your manners,
} and treat others with respect, even if you don't mean it. With a
} little hard work, the promotion will be yours.
}
} 26-35: You were even up for a promotion?
}
} 36-40: Don't worry. All your problems will be over shortly.
}
} You owe the Oracle two grovels next time.
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