} The Oracle will now peruse the Oracular Database of Beautiful, Blond,
} Single and Suitably Desperate Women. Hmm, only three entries. How
} odd. Well, let's see...
} |Divorced White Female, 65, blond hair, seeks younger man (age not
} |important; preferably 17-22) for friendship and more. Let's recapture
} |the youth I once had. Enjoys knitting, shuffleboard, antiques, and
} |wild screaming sex in dumpsters outside expensive restaurants.
} |Looking for that special someone to fill the gap in my life.
} No, I don't think that one's quite right for you. Ah, here's the next
} |Asian ladies seek handsome men for friendship, marriage. For this
} |month's catalog, send $9.95 to SUNSHINE INTERNATIONAL, PO Box
} WAIT! STOP! How did this get in here?? I know they already advertise
} in every men's magazine in the known universe, but I thought we had
} escaped them!! I must have a word with our Personals editor...
} [We interrupt this Answer to bring you this special Oracular bulletin:
} HELP WANTED! Need enthusiastic, intelligent supplicant for position
} of Personals Editor at Oracle, Inc. Mail resume to:
} And now, back to our Answer.]
} Let's see now, here's the last entry:
} |Single White Female, 21, wishing to contract marriage. Gentle,
} |beautiful, nice, cute, silent, humble, blond, blue-eyed, careful,
} |honest, and ready. Loves giving blow jobs.
} Well, that looks promising...but...no, she doesn't have green eyes.
} I'm sorry, but the Oracle can't connect you with the girl of your
} dreams at this time. Please query again, and don't forget the Oracle's
} other exciting services:
} o Women's anonymous confessions to the Oracle! For women ONLY.
} o A woman's point of view...as simulated by the Oracle!
} o One on one chat with someone just right for you...selected by the
} o And of course, the Oracular Dating Database! Remember, hot sexy
} women who would never give you the time of day if you met them on
} the street are WAITING TO MEET YOU!
} You owe the Oracle $5.00 for the first minute, and $2.95 for each
} additional minute.