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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise, > >   Why is the senior C.S. work room empty (except for a couple of loser > first year engineers)?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well freshman engineers tend to do things like studying. Compsci's } learn quickly that there is nothing to be gained from such a useless } activity and sleep during the day. They then stay up all night in } computer labs. } } The money spenders there would have done well to do some research } before they built a senior C.S. work room. They should have spent the } money on } } 1 - A coffeemaker & supplies (debit card issued to all CS students) } 2 - toothpicks to hold CS students' eyes open } 3 - beer & pizza for the loser freshman engineers to try and get them }     to become Real Partying Students } 4 - the establishment of a compu-porn server } 5 - hire of an Oracle } } You owe the Oracle an HP-15C. And a backpack. With only one strap. } So he doesn't look like a loser freshman engineer.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the best way to save the manatees from the insidious threat of > New Age Music?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Just take away from them all their walkmanatees. } } You owe the Oracle a McManatee sandwich, extra meat.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great Oracle, >       Tell me what the address for the talk.bizzare...I am dying of > curiosity to see how people talk bizzarre!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Many people think that talk.bizarre is a USENET newsgroup, but the } Oracle knows the truth.  Talk.Bizarre is a secret fron for the } transmission of coded secrets from the U.S.  to the Soviet Union, as is } evidenced by the following message: } ----- } Article 13314 of talk.bizarre: } Newsgroups: talk.bizarre } Subject: Moles in your feet <-----CODED TOP-SECRET SUBJECT } Date: 24 Oct 89 22:52:40 GMT } Distribution: na,fnord } Organization: Roadkills-R-Us <-----GORBACHEV'S TOP-SECRET NAME. } Lines: 26 } } Moles said to tell you hi, Biff. } He also said he checked with his Oracle, his Turtle Ingres (tm) } and his /rdb, and he is allowed to marry multiple saughters. } He asks that everyone wiat, however, until his frontal lobotomy } heals, and his income doubles, before sending him any more } saughters, as rog's is keeping him quite busy with the pooper } scooper, thankyouverymuch. } } TRANSLATED: } ---------- } The U.S. Ballistic Missile Submarine Los Angeles } will be cruising 142.5 miles south-southeast of Sakhalin Island (tm) w/ } a new top-secret /RDB missile platform able to guide multiple launchers. } We ask that you wait, however, until 10/29/89 10:12:32 GMT until the sub } reaches the coordinates, and the chance of detection doubles, before } trying to capture the sub, by keeping the escort fleet quite busy with } distractions. } ---------- } As you may now clearly see, talk.bizarre is a front for Soviet Spies } transmitting top secret U.S. military secrets back to their contacts in } the Soviet Union. } You owe the Oracle a copy of the "Top Secret" video tape.  VHS format } only, please.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Draw me an ASCI representation of Lisa, our new net.sex.goddess.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The best ASCII picture of Lisa is a picture of words: } } Her hair is the color of wet dreams } Her eyes are as round as pelican's eggs. } Her nose is as cute as a koala bear } Her lips are as red and sensual as a pair of otters dipped in rouge. } Her neck is as an alabaster pillar, and twice as stiff. } Her arms are like arms.  what can I say? } Her breasts are ... well, you only get to see the tops of them in this } portrait. } } You owe the oracle a flea.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How about an ASCII representation of Lisa?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} How bout them ASCII representations of Lisa!  Why, they whumped the } EBCDIC representations of Charlene right good.  I wuz a-watching it, } drinking a fuckin' uuencoded Bud Light, and it wuz a right good game! } Those ASCII reps o' Lisa took that ball and ran every which way.  Three } touchdowns in the first innin', and then there was no stoppin' 'em!  And } they whumped the BCD bitmap encodings of Gertrude, too, just last week! } Them BCD-bitmap guys didn't seem to know if they was binary or decimal, } against those ASCII reps.  Those ASCII reps is goddam *good*, I tell } you!  They're going right to the nationals!  They're going to win the } Pickle this year!  Right-on! } } How 'bout them ASCII representations of Lisa!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How can you explain the second law of thermodynamics (explain it in > detail, please)...?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Very simply. } } The harder you rub the hotter it gets.  If you rub too hard mass will } become energy and there may be a discharge.  Always use a good insulator } such as latex to protect yourself from such discharges.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is a tibia clausa?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Something you put in your will to leave your legs to science.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My ocelot is whining.  Is she hungry?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} First of all, you ocelot a stupid questions. But since you asked... } } It's usually a good idea to eat something when drinking whine. In this } way, she will be a lot less likely to make a fool out of herself at } parties or pass out in a gutter. She will also be less likely to puke } on her shoes, but if she does, it will be messier. Of course, if she's } only got a little whine, she can get drunk a lot faster on an empty } stomach. In an emergency, I recommend those little fishy crackers you } find at bars and sci.aquaria, but only with wite whine. } } You owe the Oracle a C- in spelling.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do cats have tails?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Cats were designed as animals for the measuring of small spaces.  ("Not } enough room to swing a cat".) While it would be possible to swing a cat } without a tail, it would not be nearly as easy.  Cats' tails, then, are } yet another example of ever-benevolant Providence smiling on human } metaphor. } } You owe the oracle a cattail.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is a dulciana?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle sees into your mind's eye and understands that you wish to } know what a 'ducinea' is, and not, as your mortal fingers typed, a } 'dulciana'.  The former, meaning MISTRESS or SWEETHEART is an obvious } plea from you to The Oracle for help with your love life.  The latter, } meaning DULLARD, or STUPID UMINAGINATIVE INSENSITIVE LOUT, a sorry and } sad reference to your current state of affairs.