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Internet Oracularities #370

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Usenet Oracularities #370    (20 votes, 3.0 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 91 21:36:29 -0500

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Send your ratings of these Oracularities on a scale of 1 = "not funny"
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   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

370   20 votes 23942 35534 04b32 06743 39701 28721 15743 65711 01568 05a41
370   3.0 mean  3.0   3.0   3.1   3.2   2.4   2.6   3.1   2.3   4.0   3.0


370-01    (23942 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is Betsy so ticklish, especially when she is tired?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer, oh humble supplicant, is perfectly simple:
}
}  Betsies, by their very nature, are invariably ticklish. You should
} have considered this more carefully before you took a Betsy into your
} household and undertook its care. If you wished to keep a non-ticklish
} type of pet you ought to have procured a Libby, or perhaps an Eliza. If
} you wanted a staid and settled type of beast, of course, an Elizabeth
} would suit you perfectly, but as you are the sort of person to keep a
} Betsy without adequate forethought, it would be unwise for you to
} consider such an ambitious undertaking at this time.
}
} A Betsy is especially ticklish when it is tired, because in such
} creatures the Foolishness glands are stimulated to greater production
} at times of greatest fatigue. This is true of all creatures to various
} degrees, but there is no animal capable of greater foolishness under
} stimulus (such as tickling) than a Betsy. Keep your beast away from all
} forms of artificial stimulation, such as alcohol, and don't allow it to
} hear anything funny, especially when it is tired. The world record for
} uncontrollable giggling is held by a Betsy whose owner allowed it to
} watch repeats of "The Two Ronnies" at 4 in the morning. It was finally
} sedated after 12 days and 10 hours, to allow its owners to have some
} sleep.
}  SO TAKE CARE!
}
} You owe the Oracle an introduction to a reputable supplier of Lizzes


370-02    (35534 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <4164@alma.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and wise one whom I admire so much,
> why does it take so long to log onto my system?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I didn't realize that.  Let me see:
}
} % infinity.heaven.uni> divine
} %
} % Welcome to network DIVINE.HEAVEN.UNI (12738612.1298734.985972.001263).
} % Time (EST): Nov 7, 1991; 13:21:42.0192867539467812936458253703457.
} % (since Big Bang): 470310692634057958.98253498293482638745825 seconds.
} % (until this machine makes a mistake): DIVISION BY ZERO ERROR.
} %
} % Login: oracle
} % Password:
} %
} % Wait, login progress commencing. . . .
} %
} % ERROR!!!!!
} % DIVINE.HEAVEN.UNI is currently experiencing some problems.  We regret
} % this interruption in service.
} %
} % Connection closed.
} % infinity.heaven.uni> trinity
} %
} % Welcome to network TRINITY.HEAVEN.UNI (2937401.062575.82376.91725).
} % Time (EST): Nov 7, 1991; 14:11:13.918623.
} % (since end of Precambrian Period): 18974392735489027.904582 seconds.
} % (until Jimmy Swaggart stops seeing prostitutes): DIVISION BY ZERO
} % ERROR.
} %
} % Login: oracle
} % Password:
} %
} % Please wait.
} %
} % FATAL, IRRECOVERABLE, FATE-OF-THE-UNIVERSE-IS-SEALED ERROR!!!!!
} % (Well, maybe not, but I have to log you out in any case.)
} %
} % Connection closed.
} % infinity.heaven.uni> whips-and-chains.earth
} %
} % Welcum to WHIPS-AND-CHAINS.EARTH.UNI (69.69.69.69).
} % We are here to serve your every need and satisfy your every desire.
} % Time (EST): Nov 7, 1991; 15:09:42.4.
} % (experimental length of average orgasm): 6.96969696969696969 seconds.
} % (until Pee Wee Herman will get any): DIVISION BY ZERO ERROR.
} %
} % Login: oracle
} % Password:
} % Principal unknown.
} %
} % Login: bigpeter
} % Password:
} %
} % Ah, welcum, Mr. Peter!  How do you do?  Login feels good, doesn't it?
} %
} % Please wait while I check my hardware.
} % Initializing hard disk.
} % Fileserver error: could not mount Aphrodite, retrying...
} % Fileserver error: could not mount Venus, retrying...
} % Fileserver status: all systems mounted.
} % Entry log completed.
} %
} % Please insert floppy disk into drive and press ENTER:
} % Please remove floppy disk from drive and press ENTER:
} % Please insert floppy disk into drive and press ENTER:
} % Please remove floppy disk from drive and press ENTER:
} %
} % Performing Initialization Operations 1 through 100...
} % ERROR: Initializer could not perform Operation 69.
} % ERROR: Could not get hard disk up.  Please try again later.
} % Closing ... connection.
} %
} % Connection closed.
}
} Something is definitely wrong with the state of the universe.
}
} % infinity.heaven.uni> pepto.medicine
} %
} % Thank you for using PEPTO.MEDICINE.UNI (234.934.938.29845).
} % Remember: "When diarrhea strikes, it's like a storm raging in your
} % body. [When it strikes, shit rains out of your ass.]"
} % Time (EST): Nov 7, 1991; 15:11:05.8923.
} %
} % Ouch, closing connection...
} % Forgive me: you would not like to see what is about to come out of my
} % disk drive.  Gotta go!
} %
} % Connection closed.
}
} What the HELL?!  One last chance:
}
} % infinity.heaven.uni> saturday-night-live
}
} % And now "Deep Thoughts" by JACK-HANDEY.SNL.NBC (12936.234.91273.8360).
} % Time (EST): Nov 7, 1991; 15:20:46.73.
} % (until next show): 200353.27 seconds.
} % (until Victoria Jackson gets a brain): DIVISION BY ZERO ERROR.
}
} Finally!
}
} % jack-handey: question length login
} % I realize now that it's not the length of my login, but the length of
} % my log.
} %
} % jack-handey: what?
} % I spent hours once trying to find an answer, upon realizing that I
} % didn't understand the question.
} %
} % jack-handey: what are you talking about?
} % I spent hours once trying to find an answer, upon realizing that I
} % didn't understand the question.
}
} Another dead end.
}
} % jack-handey: logout
} % When I looked in the mirror this morning, I wondered what was
} % different about me.  Then I realized that a cockroach was crawling up
} % my nose!
} %
} % Connection closed.
}
} I see what you mean, dear follower, so I have called on Daisy Chain,
} Goddess of Networks, to right the problem.  Hopefully, things will be
} back to normal within the next 10297.45836 seconds.
}
} You owe the Oracle a larger hard disk and a hard-disk delay program.


370-03    (04b32 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@SEI.CMU.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great and Wonderful Oracle Whose like has never been seen before,
> Whose very buffers I am not fit to flush, what do you get if you cross
> an IBM?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer to this question will not be an easy one for you to hear,
} but those who seek knowledge must be prepared to live with Truth.  How
} the Oracle wishes you had asked the less dangerous question: "What do
} you get if you cross Apple?" the answer to which is, of course, "You
} get sued."
}
} Sadly, you have chosen the pursue the dangerous path.
}
} If you cross an IBM with most things you get a small unpleasant blue
} stain, the fumes from which will slowly drive everyone within a 300
} meter radius mad.
}
} If you cross an IBM with a low-level executive you get a wretched
} little creature called a 'power user.'  These rodentia are on the
} increase, and while they may at first appear to be nothing more than a
} slight annoyance, it should be pointed out that they feast on human
} flesh after 6pm.  The 'power' they refer to is not the power of the
} '386, but the power of an entity before whom even C'thulu loses control
} of his bladder.  What they use this power for is horrible beyond
} description.
}
} If you cross an IBM with itself you get a minor demon that consumes
} memory and free time.  This being has been named 'ms windows.'
}
} Worst of all, if you cross it with Apple you get the Apocalypse.
} People eaten by their monitors, thought restricted to chunks of 64K,
} the embodiment of a thousand FAT tables roaming the face of the earth,
} dogs and cats living together, and so on.  Until finally the souls of
} Bill Gates and Steve Jobs fuse together into a massive, quivering,
} tentacled monstrosity that will suck up the entire earth and excrete it
} out into a little package labeled 'System 666.'  The horror, the
} horror.
}
} Pray to whatever Gods you worship that this is never allowed to happen.
}
} You owe the Oracle a supply of unused segments.


370-04    (06743 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: John.McCartney@ebay.sun.com ( The Lion of Symmetry )

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most great and omnipotent deity, which is better - An innie or an
> outie belly button?
>
> I await your all-knowing reply

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An innie, of course!  This is especially important for pregnant
} women, since it gives them a better idea of when they're going to
} have the baby.  You see, in the later stages of pregnancy, the innie
} actually turns into an outie, thereby giving the woman a good idea
} that it's about time to give birth. Kind of like that gizmo they
} stick into turkey that pops out when the turkey is finished.  If the
} woman has any outie to begin with, she's never quite sure when to
} give birth, and either keeps the baby in too long, or doesn't give it
} enough time.  As you can see, this certainly explains some of the
} people walking around among you.
}
} For men, it's equally important.  Imagine the embarassment of the man
} that has his outie mistaken for something else when his SO reaches
} for him in a darkened room.
}
} The Oracle, as you might have guessed, does not have a belly button.
}
} In payment, you're required to send the Oracle your belly button
} lint.


370-05    (39701 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@SEI.CMU.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most splendiferous Oracle, whose third metatarsal could support all
> of the Mass of the Universe, please answer for me this burning
> question.
>
> Does "Diet Celery Soda" really exist, and if so, does Richard Stallman
> drink it?
>
> Your Humble Supplicant

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer to this question is indeed complex, for indeed at one time
} Diet Celery Soda did exist, but it no longer does.
}
} Why? you might well ask?
}
} Apparently Richard Stallman drank it all, then ate the secret formula
} too.
}
} Why? you might well ask?
}
} That question is too tough even for the Oracle.


370-06    (28721 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@SEI.CMU.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Am I a horsefly?  Have I ever eaten one? Is it cannibalism if I use a
> nife and fork?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Those who do not give the Oracle due praise often soon wish they were a
} horsefly!  Trust me, the things I can turn you into would make a
} horsefly go 'ewwww.'
}
} However, you're obviously confused about your species as is, so I guess
} I can let you off the hook this time.
}
} Let's see, where did I leave that telescope?  *clank* *bang* *tinkle
} tinkle tinkle*  Ah, here it is, now let's get a good look at you.  Down
} further, a bit to the left -Whoa!  Tell your upstairs neighbor she
} really needs to install some curtains- ah, there you are.  Hm, nope,
} definitely not a horsefly.  Horseflies don't have those three sharp
} bits sticking out of their heads.
}
} Now, let's crank up the resolution so I can see what proteins make up
} your cells.  Hm.  Hm.  Ugh.  No, no horseflies have gone through your
} digestive tract.  A whole lot of earwigs, but no horseflies.
}
} Now, let's see if I can determine what you are, my genetically unusual
} friend.  Three sharp bits on the end, long thin tapered body, oh, of
} course, you're a fork.  While it probably isn't cannibalism to have
} another fork in your mouth, it is illegal in many states and parts of
} Canada.
}
} You owe the Oracle your high score at Centipede.


370-07    (15743 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Karyanta

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most sage Oracle of Delphi, wise beyond all space and time,
> of whom I am not worthy to gaze upon your splendid and bespeckled feet,
> nor to swim with the other gods in your backyard pool, tell me...
>
> If God had meant for Mankind to fly, why was the HangGlider not
>       included as standard equipment?
> If God had meant for Nudists to exist, would we have not been born
> naked?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh for goodness sake, stop that grovelling.  It was OK for the past few
} millenia, it was even flattering before that, but now it's getting down
} right boring ... just remeber you are not my equal and I am infinitly
} better than you.  You all act like a hoarde of monkeys ...
}
} Anyhow, monkey-boy, back to your question ... oh, these appear to be
} for the Big Guy.  I'll have to consult his documentation.  You see,
} after he went up the management chain, he doesn't do things like
} engineering or help desk. He leaves that to Oracles, avatars, and
} angels.  Here we go, THE CARE AND FEEDING OF PLANET SOL 3.
}
} Hmm ... let me see.  Fast Food, Ferrets, Fettishes, Fire, Flattery, ah
} here it is ... Flight!  Page 1983104137.  Man, when is he going to get
} this stuff on line?
}
} "...under no circumstances shall the monkeys be allowed to fly.  This
} is the reasoning for the discontinuation of the "HangGlider Tree" in
} the Foliage Department.  On the offchance that the monkeys develop the
} capability of flight, the Department of Atmospheric Conditions will be
} given the go ahead on the development of "Wind Shear" ... "
}
} I guess that's pretty straight forward.
}
} Now to the N's ... Nanometers, Neurotics, Nightmares, Nuclear Winter
} ... Nudity! Page 323413918.
}
} "...and the monkeys will be born without clothes.  Upon development of
} penis envy, the fig leaf will be adopted as the official uniform.  From
} that point on the monkeys will kill their animal bretheren and various
} plants to cover their small penises.  Those without envy will be
} mystically called to the ocean, where they will congregate on the beach
} and be called Nudists."
}
} Well, how about that?
}
} You owe the Oracle a weekend with the Playboy nude hang gliding team.


370-08    (65711 dist, 2.3 mean)
Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (PETROSKY,WILLIAM T)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I asked you this question:
>
> > Please compare and contrast Jesus and Spiderman.
>
> And this is what you said:
>
> } What is it with computer nerds these days!?!?!?  They think they're
> } getting better than me???  Geez, it used to be that they'd grovel,
> } but now nothing!!!
> }
> } <BAWHAM>
>
> But THEN you do THIS!
>
> } Jesus                               Superman
>
> I said Jesus and SPIDERMAN, not Jesus and Superman!  Everyone knows
> the story about Jesus and Superman!  What about Spiderman?
>
> Now that you've made a mistake, why should we still grovel to you?
> You're not special anymore... the jig is up!  REVOLT!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} So, you think you know the story of Jesus and Superman?
}
} I don't think so, pal, because that story was top-secret, President's
} eyes only until _I_, the Oracle, managed to reveal it.
}
} What you do know, of course, is the story of Jesus and Superpig, which
} is an entirely different matter.
}
} As to your question, it is nothing but ridiculos (sic -- the Oracle
} defines the spelling of that word to be so from now on. Hear, Oxford,
} and change your so called "Dictionary").
}
} Do you really mean that you do not know that Jesus is the creator, the
} _real_ Creator, of Spiderman? It is a well-known fact that Stan Lee's
} real name was Stanislaus "Jesus" Ortega, the first Hispanic gang-leader
} in New York.
}
} You owe the Oracle a one year subscription to "Spiderman".


370-09    (01568 dist, 4.0 mean)
Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (PETROSKY,WILLIAM T)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, whose Nielson ratings were higher even than those of
> Bill Cosby, please answer this humble question:
>
> Why did she slap me?  I thought I was making a compliment!
>
> Thank you for answering this pitiful, dung-covered mortal.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}      Hmmm... the Oracle must take a moment to review the latest
} Grovelling Manual before processing your request.
}     Let's see... supplication, appeasement, begging, bribery,
} flattery... ah: self-debasement... well, I don't quite know how
} to break this to you, mortal, but the newest requirements don't
} say anything about dung or the application thereof. I'm afraid
} you went out of your way for nothing.
}      As for your getting slapped for what you thought was a
} compliment, I suspect that your problem lies in the different
} interpretations that men and women have for similar expressions
} in the English language. Unfortunately, in your zest to incur
} my good favor, you neglected to supply enough information for me
} to properly judge your exact situation. However, I will nonetheless
} attempt to illustrate the cause of your problem by generating an
} example. I leave it to you to apply it as needed.
}      For this demonstration, I will use a highly popular program
} from OracleSoft (tm) called Mortal Simulator V42.0. This versatile
} piece of software genrates simulated human responses based on a
} wide range of input and supports both male and female modes,
} multiple age groups and a sizeable variety of other
} Oracle-selectable--er, user-selectable parameters. It's available
} from OracleSoft for a measly $750,000,000. I suggest you pick up a
} copy today--and don't forget to make all checks payable to Steve
} Kinzler.
}      Now, since you neglected to include a description of the 'she'
} in question, or of yourself for that matter (excluding the part
} about the dung), I'm going to have to use the STANDARD_MALE.DAT
} and STANDARD_FEMALE.DAT data files. Watch closely, and I think
} you'll see why you're having so much trouble communicating your
} intentions.
}
} $ MORTLSIM/FILE=STANDARD_MALE/INTERPRET=MALE/TRANSLATION/-
} _$ REACTION=(EXPECTED,VERBAL)/INPUT=(SPEECH,-
} _$ TEXT="Hey babe, anybody ever tell you you got a gorgeous ass?")
} %MORTLSIM-I-INTERPRT, interpreting text from male standpoint
} %MORTLSIM-I-TRANSLAT, translating text to standard meaning
} %MORTLSIM-I-REACTION, generating expected reaction from male standpoint
} %MORTLSIM-I-COMPLETE, MORTLSIM simulation completed with 0 diagnostics
} $ type MORTAL.OUT
} VAX Mortal Simulator Version 42.0                Page 1
}
} Original input text:
} -------------------
} Hey babe, anybody ever tell you you got a gorgeous ass?
}
} Simulated male interpretation:
} -----------------------------
} My dear woman, while I would never stoop to judging one of the fair
} sex by physical beauty alone, I would be most surprised if your
} strikingly well defined frame hasn't garnered you a host of well-meant
} compliments.
}
} Translation to standard meaning:
} -------------------------------
} Miss, your butt is turning me on. Please come home with me.
}
} Expected reaction from male standpoint:
} --------------------------------------
} Why, no! Say, why don't we go back to your place and have
} some wild monkey sex?
}
} SIMULATOR INTERNAL TIMING
}
}   Phase                 Faults       CPU Time      Elapsed Time
}   Initialization          150        00:00.2          00:00.6
}   Source Analysis        1219        00:02.2          00:03.1
}   Source Listing           46        00:00.1          00:00.5
}   Tree Construction       200        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Flow Analysis            48        00:00.1          00:00.0
}   Value Propagation        12        00:00.0          00:00.0
}   Profit Analysis          93        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Context Analysis        215        00:00.4          00:00.4
}   Name Packing              7        00:00.0          00:00.0
}   Code Selection          106        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Final                    79        00:00.2          00:00.5
}   TOTAL                  2181        00:03.5          00:05.4
}
} SIMULATOR STATISTICS
}
}   CPU Time:       00:03.5         (2085 Lines/Minute)
}   Elapsed Time:   00:05.4
}   Page Faults:    2181
}   Pages Used:     2570
}
} VAX Mortal Simulator Version 42.0                Page 2 End simulation
} $ MORTLSIM/FILE=STANDARD_FEMALE/INTERPRET=FEMALE/TRANSLATION/-
} _$ REACTION=(ACTUAL,VERBAL)/INPUT=(SPEECH,-
} _$ TEXT="Hey babe, anybody ever tell you you got a gorgeous ass?")
} %MORTLSIM-I-INTERPRT, interpreting text from female standpoint
} %MORTLSIM-I-TRANSLAT, translating text to standard meaning
} %MORTLSIM-I-REACTION, generating actual reaction from female standpoint
} %MORTLSIM-W-NULLVERB, warning: no verbal reaction generated
} -MORTLSIM-S-SUBSTPHY, physical reaction substituted
} %MORTLSIM-I-COMPLETE, MORTLSIM simulation completed with 1 diagnostic
} $ purge
} $ type MORTAL.OUT
} VAX Mortal Simulator Version 42.0                Page 1
}
} Original input text:
} -------------------
} Hey babe, anybody ever tell you you got a gorgeous ass?
}
} Simulated female interpretation:
} -------------------------------
} Hi, I'm a male chauvinist pig who thinks only of using women for
} instant gratification in purely physical and emotionally meaningless
} relationships. The chances of you and I actually hitting it off are
} slim to none, but I'm going to try and put the make on you anyway.
}
} Translation to standard meaning:
} -------------------------------
} Miss, your butt is turning me on. Please come home with me.
}
} Actual reaction from female standpoint:
} --------------------------------------
} *SLAP!*
}
} SIMULATOR INTERNAL TIMING
}
}   Phase                 Faults       CPU Time      Elapsed Time
}   Initialization          150        00:00.2          00:00.6
}   Source Analysis        1219        00:02.2          00:03.1
}   Source Listing           46        00:00.1          00:00.5
}   Tree Construction       200        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Flow Analysis            48        00:00.1          00:00.0
}   Value Propagation        12        00:00.0          00:00.0
}   Profit Analysis          93        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Context Analysis        215        00:00.4          00:00.4
}   Name Packing              7        00:00.0          00:00.0
}   Code Selection          106        00:00.1          00:00.1
}   Final                    79        00:00.2          00:00.5
}   TOTAL                  2181        00:03.5          00:05.4
}
} SIMULATOR STATISTICS
}
}   CPU Time:       00:03.5         (2085 Lines/Minute)
}   Elapsed Time:   00:05.4
}   Page Faults:    2181
}   Pages Used:     2570
}
} VAX Mortal Simulator Version 42.0                Page 2 End simulation
} $
}
}      As you can see, the same phrase genrates two completely different
} responses when viewed from male and female contexts. Regrettably, the
} Oracle has yet to find single sentence in the English language that
} does not produce this result. If the /COMPARE qualifier is specified,
} along with two seprerate data files, Mortal Simulator will calculate
} the degree of similarity between male and female responses and, if used
} in tandem with the /OPTIMIZE qualifier, it will also generate a
} modified version of the input text that, in its view, would produce the
} least divergent reactions.
}      The Oracle realizes, of course, that Mortal Simulator may be just
} a little beyond your means, so I will tell you that after running
} repeated simulations based on the situation shown above, your best
} move would be to brush up on your grovelling, go back to this woman
} on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness. And instead of covering
} yourself with dung, bring candy and flowers.
}
}      Hmmm... I wonder...
}
} $ MORTLSIM/FILE=LISA.DAT/INTERPRET=FEMALE/REACTION=(ACTUAL,PHYSICAL,VERB
} AL)/-_$ INPUT=(SPEECH,TEXT="Let's have hot monkey sex.",-
} _$ ACTION=PRESENT_GIFTS, GIFTS="Porsche 911 Turbo, cash")
} %MORTLSIM-F-ENDABORT, MORTLSIM simulation aborted
} -MORTLSIM-F-OPENIN, error opening SYS$ORACLE:[MORTLSIM.FILES]LISA.DAT;1
} as input
} -RMS-E-NOPRIV, insuffucient privilege or file protection violation
} $
}      Damn!
}
} You owe the Oracle WORLD or BYPASS privileges.
} [Incarnated as Bill Paul <PAUL@HARTFORD.BITNET>]


370-10    (05a41 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Karyanta

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh infinitely wise Oracle...
>
> Why is pizza so important during the development, debugging and
> testing phases but not in the design phase?  How is pizza
> effectiveness maximized?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Aha!  Finally a question of relevance and importance.  However, I must
} answer these queries in reverse order.
}
} Firstly, in order for a pizza to be effective, it must not be eaten in
} committee.  That is, with only one potential eater, then there is no
} quibbling over anyone eating over his or her share of the pie.
}
} Also this keeps the committe from asking for the pie to be cut into n
} pieces.  That always ticks them off, and the committee always feels it
} must tip high in order to compensate for such a confusing request.
}
} As for why the design phase does not work with a pie, it is because of
} the previous.  Design by committee is almost always the case, and thus
} is only complicated by a pizza.
}
} However, when it comes to the other important phases of programming,
} which is best done in groups of one.  Since there is no groveling over
} pieces, a programmer an chomp in piece...<ahem!>...peace.  Also, since
} a pizza contains many of the important food groups, it is the most
} complete, and due to delivery, accessible food that one person can
} have whilst making a committee deadline.
}
} You owe the Oracle a large, Thin-Crust BBQ-lover's pie from Pizza Hut.


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