} Join me now, class, as we take a look at one of the more uncurable
} diseases in the world today: anachronitis. Sufferers of this horrible
} malady are under the impression that the world has never left the
} golden years of their youth. They just can't deal with life in the
} present, and pretend they are still in their chosen year. Let me just
} pop the tape in...Could someone dim the lights, please?
} [the room darkens]
} OK, class, listen to this poor man:
} "Ohhh, man, like what's happening? Hey, man, you don't have like a
} toke or a hit on you, do you? I was just listening to some Dead and I
} ran out of hits, man. Peace..."
} This man is under the delusion that he is still living in the 1960's.
} Now, we consider this a mild case of the disease, as many people WOULD
} like to regress to the sixties, when dope was "cool" and women were
} into cheap, gratuitous, sex...but to continue. Note the tinge of
} paranoia in this next person, who believes himself in the 1950's:
} "Hey...you've got hair down to your COLLAR, boy. That kind o' stuff
} is UNAMERICAN, son. You wouldn't be associated with one of them there
} COMMUNIST ORGANIZATIONS, now would you? Might have to haul you up in
} front of a COMMITTEE. I was you, I'd be gettin' me a haircut...or a
} dog tag. What's it gonna be, boy?"
} This, also, is considered a mild case. Although 50's retrogression
} can be dangerous for those who are not white males, it is
} understandable for those who are, as this was one of the easiest times
} to be one. Next, we have a more severe case. This man seems to be
} regressed almost back to the 20's or 30's:
} "Well, I remember back when I was costarring with Bonzo. There were
} little Mom-n-Pop grocery stores on every corner, bread was a nickel,
} and no one even thought about burning the flag. It was truly morning
} in America. Do you remember those days, Mommy?"
} Note the reference to this man's mother. He obviously wants to return
} to his childhood. This man is clearly dangerous, and should be kept
} away from the public, especially the public's money.
} Now, class, we have our most severe case. This person has masochistic
} and very unhealthy tendencies. He seems to be regressing, not to the
} happy 50's, 60's or any easier times, but to 1987! Why, you ask? It's
} unknown, but we certainly would never let THIS person out on the
} > Would it be wiser to partake
} > Of new or classic Coke?
} [Class: Ooooohhhhh]
} Yes, indeed, this is a landmark case. This person is distorted,
} strange, and warped. He is megalomaniac, paranoiac, and perverted.
} It's indeed scary to think of this person in public, isn't it?
} Yes, you in the back row:
} "Professor, is there anything that can be done for this person?"
} I'm afraid not. All we can do is keep him safely locked away where he
} can cause no harm.
} That's all for today, class. See you next time!