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Internet Oracularities #976

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976, 976-01, 976-02, 976-03, 976-04, 976-05, 976-06, 976-07, 976-08, 976-09, 976-10


Internet Oracularities #976    (84 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 08:15:19 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   976
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

976   84 votes 3lyga 2aakG 8juj8 8opk7 dlse8 9qCb0 iqod3 ahmgj 1gvr9 28wse
976   3.1 mean  3.1   4.1   3.0   2.9   2.8   2.6   2.5   3.2   3.3   3.5


976-01    (3lyga dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> ::grovel:: ::grovel::
>
> How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a
> Tootsie pop?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It depends.
}
} If you're a wise old owl:  3
} If you're a child:         a mean of 89.2, normally distributed
}                            with a standard deviation of 23.1
} If you're a porn star:     infinity
} If you're Madonna:         1
} If you're a zen master:    you are one with the Tootsie Roll center
}                            of a Tootsie Pop
} If you're Marv Albert:     none, I bit it right away, but I thought
}                            that's what it wanted
} If you're OJ Simpson:      I licked it because I loved it
} If you're Bill Clinton:    I ate a Tootsie Pop, but I didn't lick
} If you're the Oracle:      Lisa does the licking
}
} You owe the Oracle ... oh, never mind, there's nothing else in the
} world that I really need.


976-02    (2aakG dist, 4.1 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Oracleman, riddle me this!
>
> Expand  (x-a)*(x-b)*(x-c)*...*(x-z)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}     "Holy Hofstadter, Oracleman!  That's going to be one wicked
} polynominal!" exclaimed Lisa.
}     "Indeed," I replied, noting that she was already busy scribbling an
} expansion on her notepad, "but the twenty-fourth term is the killer."
}     "Twenty-fourth?" she said, puzzled.  "Um, that would be... (x-x)?"
}     I stared at her until she slapped her head in annoyance.  "Of
} course!  It all reduces to zero!  But why would the Puzzler send you
} something so obvious?"
}     "Because its a clue to something more sinister, chum.  That's what
} we have to find out."
}
}     Normally the Puzzler gives obvious hints about his capers, but this
} one had even my razor-sharp mind boggled.
}     Lisa had all but given up.  She sat in the large armchair in the
} Commissioner's office, fiddling dejectedly with the envelope in which
} the message came.  She stared at it, then sniffed it cautiously.
}     "Smells like chicken," she sighed.
}     Her statement triggered something in the back of my mind.  "What?"
} I asked cautiously.
}     "Oh, this stain on the envelope.  It smells like chicken grease."
}     I practically leaped across the room to snatch the envelope from
} her startled hands.
}     After taking a deep whiff myself, I said, "Not just any kind of
} fried chicken, chum, but *Polly's* Fried Chicken!"
}     The Commissioner marveled at my sensitive nose, but he was still
} missing the connection.  Fortunately, Lisa didn't.
}     "Polly... polynominal!"
}     "Right!" I shouted, glad to be on the track of something.  "And I
} would gamble anything that there's a Polly's Chicken franchise on
} Nominal Avenue.  To the Oraclemobile!"
}     The Commissioner was reaching for the phone book as Lisa and I
} bolted from the room.  "Don't bother checking, Commissioner," she
} called back over her shoulder, "he's always right!"
}
}     Indeed I was.  We entered the Polly's Chicken on Nominal from the
} roof.  Scaling walls is easy; all you have to do is pretend that
} everyone is looking at you sideways and that you're really walking
} along the ground.
}     The store was deserted.
}     "Perhaps it was a coincidence?" my partner inquired, almost
} apologetically.
}     "With the Puzzler, it's *never* a coincidence," I snarled back.
}     As if on cue, all the lights in the store came on, momentarily
} blinding us.  When our eyes undazzled, we found ourselves facing two
} large guys in bowling shirts, each bearing the embroidered name
} "Herb."
}     Also present was the Puzzler!  "Herbs," he shouted, "get them!"
}     The Herbs were no match for our polished fighting skills, so it
} looked like an easy win... until the Spice Girls suddenly appeared and
} started singing.  We tried to hold out as long as possible, but
} eventually the pain was too much and we had to cover our ears.
} Without the use of our arms, the Herbs (who were wearing earmuffs, I
} noted) quickly beat us into unconsciousness.
}
}     I awoke first.
}     "Ah, Oracleman!  I see you're awake.  What do you think of my
} seven secret Herbs and Spices?"
}     "I think you're insane," I muttered.
}     We had been manicled to chairs.  In front of me was a computer
} console.  The handcuffs I wore gave me just enough slack to reach the
} keyboard.
}     Lisa moaned to signal her return to consciousness.
}     "I see you're curious about this setup.  The computer in front of
} you will begin to display logic puzzles.  You have thirty seconds to
} solve each one.  If you answer incorrectly or fail to answer at all,
} the crack in the platform below you will open an inch.  When it opens
} wide enough, you and your lovely companion will be dumped directly
} into the deep fat fryer, and you'll quickly become tomorrow's special
} of the day."
}     "You twisted goon!  Leave Lisa out of this!"
}     "Sorry, Oracleman!  I need to keep the both of you busy while I go
} out and commit the Crime of the Century!  Herbs!  Spices!  Pack up,
} we're moving out."
}     He chuckled evilly as the first logic puzzle appeared on the
} screen.  "Enjoy yourself, Oracleman.  Don't think too hard; you'll
} give yourself a headache..."
}
}     Great Spicy Chicks!  Can Orrie and Lisa escape before they become
} just another Urban Legend?  Find out next week!  Same Oracle time,
} same Oracle channel!


976-03    (8juj8 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Julsy <avedon@usa.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey, it's almost the weekend!  What shall I do?  What will you do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm thinking a *real* party!!!  None of this "Martha Stewart" stuff,
} I'll have a *real* party!!! What makes a *real* party different from
} other social affairs?? Two things:
}
} 1. As much as anyone can remember, it was more fun.
} 2. No one can remember very much.
}
} *Real* parties are given for pleasure only and never to mark an
} occassion.  There can no more be a reason for a *real* party than there
} can be an excuse for what goes on after it starts.
}
} *Real* parties vary tremendously in type an style, but all share
} certain things in common.
}
} -  *Real* parties don't start until after midnight.
} -  No friendship or romantic relationship should survive a *real* party
}    fully intact.
} -  Neither should much furniture.
} -  Someone should have underpants on his head by two a.m.
} -  By three a.m. someone should have called the police.
} -  Someone else should have called Mikhail Gorbachov long distance to
}    invite him over.
} -  By five a.m. everyone should have gotten in cars and tried to go
}    someplace else and backed into each other instead.
} -  All your friends should still be there when you come to in the
}    morning.
}
} Most parties are not *real* parties.  And some parties can never be
} *real* parties no matter how hard the partygoers try.  Among these are:
}
} -Office Christmas parties
} -Wine-tasting parties
} -Book-publishing parties
} -Parties with themes, such as "Las Vegas Nite" or "Waikiki Whoopee"
} -Parties at which anyone is wearing a blue velvet tuxedo jacket
} -Parties at the homes of people who don't smoke, have subscriptions to
}  Commentary, own china figurine collections, or were ever in the Peace
}  Corps
} -Parties at which more than six of the guests are related by blood.
} -The Republican Party
}
} Small parties are very easy to plan... An old Supremes tape, a fifth of
} Stolichnaya, and some copies of Penthouse from the 70's make for a
} perfect small party without the bother and complication of guests.
}
} You owe the Oracle a case of Doritos, Led Zepplin tapes, a three-pack
} of Hanes (34 waist), and Mikhail Gorbachov's phone number.


976-04    (8opk7 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> ::grovel:: ::grovel::
>
> If you crossed Marilyn Manson with Hanson, what would you get?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Fifteen to twenty, with time off for good behavior.
}
} You owe the Oracle an antidote for "Jailhouse Rock".


976-05    (dlse8 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Sid Dabster

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Bah, Ho Humbug.
> Why do I sit here every day, answering all these @#$X! questions?
> People send me null questions, cliche questions, woodchuck, or even NO
> questions!  This whole supplicant thing is just a crock.
> ZADOC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> {Zadoc runs in, wrapping paper trailing behind}
> ZADOC: Sorry, my master, whose halls I am not worthy to deck.  I was
> busy wrapping your present.  It was extra hard, I mean, what do you get
> for the man who knows everything?
>
> ORACLE: Zadoc, I'm giving up.
>
> ZADOC:  What?  On MY present?  Oh come master, you always know what to
> get (you know EVERYTHING of course.)  I so loved that "I'm with
> All-Knowing" shirt you got me last year.
>
> ORACLE:  No, no, no..... your "I became 'Highest Oracular Priest' and
> all I got was this lousy T-shirt" wrapped.  I'm talking about this
> whole life.  Getting questions, giving answers.  It is done.
>
> ZADOC: GASP!  But master!  The supplicants!
>
> ORACLE: What, are there no Fortune Tellers, or Psychic Friends
> Networks?
>
> ZADOC: But many would rather die!
>
> ORACLE: Well maybe they should!  And decrease the surplus population!
> Now Zadoc, GOOD DAY!
>
> {Zadoc leaves, saddened.  The Oracle leans back in his
> throne...frustrated, and alone.  Sudddenly, the clock strikes midnight.
> A horrible crash, flash, scream and moaning come from outside}
> ORACLE: WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!
>
> ZADOC (from outside): Oh, sorry master, I was cleaning the staff of zot
> and it accidentally went off.
>
> {The Oracle turns back around and is surprised by a ghostly figure.}
>
> ORACLE: WHO ARE YOU?!?!?!?!
>
> GHOST: How ironic that now it is you who is asking the questions.
>
> ORACLE:  Oh, of course.  I already know, don't I?  In life you were
> Clairol, the parody of Clarence the Angel from 942.0, the last time we
> did a Christmas special parody.
>
> CLAIROL: You know the drill, right?
>
> ORACLE:  I know everything.  3 visits, 3 ghosts, I supposedly get all
> mushy and become a better Oracle.
>
> {Clairol Dissappears.}
>       A few minutes later, a ghost appears, looking vary much like
> Lisa.  The Oracle, hiding in his Oracular bed, peeks out to ask "Who
> are you, and have you come to show me images of my childhood?  And how
> my life went astray?"
>       Lisa moves closer.  "I am the ghost of Oracularities past, and
> we're not going back that far.  Let's go back to 875-03."  With a wave
> of her hand, the room has dissappeared.  An Oracularity appears.
> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
> Your question was:
>
> > O great inscrutable but no doubt meaningful Oracle, in response to a
> > recent question, you wisely replied "GET A FKING LIFE YOU GEEK".
> > Last time I checked, I had a life (and since your response mercifully
> > did not include a ZOT, I probably still do).  Further, it seems like
> > it's in pretty fair shape, and likely to last for another 40 years
> > anyway. Still, I'm sure you know best.  What sort of LIFE would you
> > recommend instead?  (I know you said a FKING LIFE, but could you be a
> > little more specific?)
> >
> > Thanks for your help!
>
>       "Why have you brought me here," the Oracle asks.
>       "Look at this," says Lisa.  "Where else are you get a job where
> you can insult people like that, and then win critical acclaim for it?
> I mean, Zotting supplicants left and right, telling them off!"
>       "Well, I-" the Oracle starts, "Is this all you have to show me?"
>       "No, "Lisa says, "Hold on." another Oracularity appears.
> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
> Your question was:
>
> > Hey, orrie-butt!
> >       I'm starting a revolution against you!  I'm sick
> > and tired of being pushed around, insulted, and "ZOT!"ed!
> > What do you think of THAT!?!?!
>
> "879-05?" the Oracle asks.  "That's when that supplicant tried to
> overthrow me.  Good thing he didn't succeed.  Why are you showing me
> this?" but as he turns around, the ghost is gone.  He is back in his
> bedroom.  Suddenly, a ghost in the form of Darkmage steps forward.
>
>       "You Oracularities present, or are you really Darkmage and this
> is just another lame parody like the whole Zadoc thing?" the Oracle
> asks.
>       "I am the ghost." he says.  "I would like to show you some of the
> questions you're missing out on right now.  Look at this."
>
> The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question!
>
> > How much \/\/()()|) cood a \/\/()()|)( |-||_|( |<
> > ( |-||_|( |< if a \/\/()()|)( |-||_|( |< cood ( |-||_|( |<
> > \/\/()()|)?
>
> "AGH!" the Oracle screams, "I could be ZOTTING that little AOL bastard
> right now."
>       "But I thought you hated to get mail like that?" Darkmage
> replies. "Can't stand being without your little 'ZOT' time, can you?"
>
> The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question!
>
> >
>
> "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!" the Oracle screams,
> but the ghost is gone.  A new, cloaked figure approaches.  It extends a
> long, bony finger.  Immediately recognizing the Ghost of Oracularities
> Yet to Come, the Oracle follows.
>
> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
> Your question was:
>
> > Oh, greatest new and improved Oracle!  I've loved you ever since
> > 879-05!  But whatever happened to that old loser Oracle that quit?
>
> And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
>
> } Oh, that loser I finally overthrew?
> } (The New and Improved Oracle looks into a dark and musty corner,
> } with a cowering, wretched old man shivering in it.
> } He throws a paperweight at the man.
> }
> } "Hey Mr. All-Seeing!  I'll be you didn't see that one coming!  Hey!
> } Tell me about those woodchucks!  Let me hear your witty retorts now!"
> } BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA........"
>
> The Oracle gasps at the hooded ghost, who unveils his face to show he
> is the New and Improved Oracle and bursts into tears.  As he looks back
> up, he is back in the Oracular quarters.  Zadoc is in front of him
> holding out a Christmas present.
>       "Now master, no need to cry, if you don't like what I got you you
> can just return it."  Zadoc says.
>       "Zadoc!" cries the Oracle, "Wer'e back in business!  Tell me, is
> that prize turkey still hanging dead in the butchershop down the
> street?"
>       "Yessir," replies Zadoc.
>       "Well run and fetch it then!" he says, "We'll send it to those
> animal rights activists who wrote and asked me why I promote so much
> harm to woodchucks and other animals!  After that, polish up the staff,
> Zadoc.  We got us some Zotting to do."
>       You owe it to the Oracle to remember the true meaning of
> Christmas.  It's not the askme's, it's the tellme's.
>
> Dear Oracle,
>       I am the Ghost of Nonoracularities past.  I was wondering why
> this brilliant answer, in reply to "> ho hum" didn't make it.
>
>                       Spirit

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I know it's sad, but the VERY first thing you should do is turn the VCR
} off and go directly to Disgruntled Oracles Anonymous.  It's just like a
} family there.


976-06    (9qCb0 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: David Bremner <bremner@cs.mcgill.ca>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Really Nifty Oracle, some people have been making predictions that
> the world will end on New Year's Day in 2000 (or maybe 1999), and I
> have been wondering - could we get an extra hour if we all go on
> daylight savings time?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} O Truly Sapient Supplicant, even though the time of the ultimate
} destruction of the Universe is carved in letters as deep as the earth
} is distant from the sun in the Dining Table Of The Gods, if anything
} could delay it, it is surely this sort of clever legalistic thinking
} your race indulges in so abundantly.
} So, although the end of the world is not as near as the cassandras
} you've been listening to would have you believe, it is entirely
} possible that it could be postponed through the sort of shady maneuver
} you have proposed. The Gods are amazingly sympathetic to that sort of
} quibbling.
}
} You owe the Oracle a wristwatch that keeps sidereal time.


976-07    (iqod3 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most wondrous and amazing oracle, tell me whether Guinea pigs are
> truly pigs.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I really don't, why don't we ask some?
}
} (*The Oracle digs around his pocket, and digs out two Guinea pigs*)
}
} Orrie: Oink oink, oink-oink-oink?
}
} Guinea pigs: Oink oink.
}
} There you go Supplicant, you have your answer!


976-08    (ahmgj dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Good morning campers ...
>
> I'm your uncle Zadoc and I welcome you to ORRIE'S HOLIDAY CAMP!
>
> The camp with the difference, never mind the weather,
> when you come to Orrie's , the holiday's forever ...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Orrie, can you tellme?
}                       Orrie, can you tellme?
}                       Orrie, can you tellme?
}                       ORRIE, CAN YOU TELLME?
}
} ...Do you think it's alright to leave the Staff with Uncle Zadoc? ...
}
} "I'm your wicked Uncle Zadoc
}  My intentions far from ad hoc
}  As I fiddle about,
}  Fiddle about,
}  Fiddle about!
}
}  Old Orrie left me here to bed you
}  Gone to cs.indiana.edu
}  As I fiddle about,
}  Fiddle about,
}  Fiddle about!"
}
}                                            Askme, tellme,
}                                            Help me, queue me
}                                            Askme, tellme,
}                                            Help me, queue me
}
}                     I boom as I answer
}                 Make you grovel at my feet
}                   In awe of such wisdom
}                 Such grandness yet to meet
}                   You'll feel me coming,
}                     A new vibration!
}                     For I who answer:
}                     An Incarnation!
}                     An Incarnation!
}
}                   I'm always right!...
}
} "Lisa's got the power to heal you, never fear!
}  Lisa's got the power to heal you, never fear!
}  Just a word from her lips
}  And the woodchucks gather near..."
}
} Ever since I was a young boy
} I answered to the call
} From Windows up to woodchucks
} I thought I knew it all
} But I ain't seen nothing like him
} In comp.unix.internals
} That all-knowin' newsgroup
} rec.humor.oracle!
}
} He responds like a listproc
} As if part of the machine
} Knowing all the answers
} But always keeps it clean
} Cuttin' down the tellme's
} When the queue is full
} That all-knowin' newsgroup
} rec.humor.oracle!
}
} He's a Usenet wizard
} There has to be a twist
} An usenet wizard
} No digest should be missed!
}
} How do you think he does it?
}                          I don't know!
} What makes him so good?
}
} Even at my supplication,
} He responds the best!
} We just do the tellme's,
} And he just does the rest
} Got a crazy busy Priesthood
} To lead us to his call,
} That all-known' newsgroup
} rec.humor.oracle!
}
}   Responding to you, I get the answers
}   Voting on you, I get the heat
}   Forwarding you, I join the millions
}   Who are not worthy to kiss your feet
}
}   Following you, I see your backside
}   On you, I see the blood stains
}   From you, I get the Zot Staff
}   From you, I get the story
}
}   Archiving you, I get the web hits
}   From you, I get the glory
}   Digesting you, we store the good ones
}   Keeping the crap out of the newsfeed
}
}   Listening to you, I learned to crochet
}   To find a ladder more sturdy
}   To post in a newsgroup so spamless
}   As rec.humor.oracle.d ...
}
} You owe the Oracle a flashing spinning mail server and 300 X terminals
} bordering the stage.


976-09    (1gvr9 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@wiley.csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tell Me Oh Oracle Who Can Rhyme Better Than Johnnie Cochran,
>
> What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Top 10 Punch-Lines for That Joke:
}
}       10) A good start!
}       9) Not enough sand!
}       8) A waste of sand - the bottom of the sea is more efficient!
}       7) One angry lawyer.
}       6) The perfect spot to put rabid wolverine bait.
}       5) Half of a Money Trap.
}       4) A good spot for Og to have target practice with his club.
}       3) Too much time to wait until high tide.
}       2) A great money-maker: people pay a dollar and they get to whack
}          the lawyer with a mallet.
}
} And the number one thing you have when you have a lawyer buried up to
} his neck in sand is...
}
}       1) About a foot too much lawyer!


976-10    (28wse dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most cute and cuddley; whom I would rather hug than my
> favourite teddy-bear; who is squashier than towels washed in
> 'Fairy Snow' *and* tumble-dried with 'Bounce'; who is softer,
> stronger and even longer than Andrex Toilet Tissue; who is
> more articulate than *any* of the Teletubbies; who is more
> chocolately than ... umm ... well, just *more* chocolately,
>
> please deign to answer a question from your humble, snivelling wretch
> of a slave which, although far beyond my ability to even comprehend
> (I had to consult three text books just to work out the *question*),
> will, undoubtably, be to your computationally perfect (to the n-th
> degree) self a mere flick of a bead on your galactic abacus ...
>
> I received a large number of gifts from my True Love over the festive
> period, but being a mere maths graduate I couldn't manage to count
> them all. Please, what is the total number of gifts I received over
> the twelve days, and does the cumulative total for each day make
> an interesting mathematical sequence?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, I can answer your question, but I think that 'true love' has
} blinded you to the real feelings of your partner. I.e.
}
} On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me, a 'goodbye' in a
} calm tone.
}
} On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me, two 'get lost
} now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the third day of christmas my true love gave to me, three poison
} letters, two 'get lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the fourth day of christmas my true love gave to me, four bashings
} from her brother, three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a
} 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the fifth day of christmas my true love gave to me, five lawyer's
} letters, four bashings from her brother, three poison letters, two 'get
} lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the six day of christmas my true love gave to me, six gangsters
} threatening, five lawyer's letters, four bashings from her brother,
} three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm
} tone.
}
} On the seventh day of christmas my true love gave to me, seven letter
} bombs, six gangsters threatening, five lawyer's letters, four bashings
} from her brother, three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a
} 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the eighth day of christmas my true love gave to me, eight hitmen
} shooting, seven letter bombs, six gangsters threatening, five lawyer's
} letters, four bashings from her brother, three poison letters, two 'get
} lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the ninth day of christmas my true love gave to me, nine turds
} a'mailed, eight hitmen shooting, seven letter bombs, six gangsters
} threatening, five lawyer's letters, four bashings from her brother,
} three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm
} tone.
}
} On the tenth day of christmas my true love gave to me, ten relatives
} dead, nine turds a'mailed, eight hitmen shooting, seven letter bombs,
} six gangsters threatening, five lawyer's letters, four bashings from
} her brother, three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a 'goodbye'
} in a calm tone.
}
} On the eleventh day of christmas my true love gave to me, eleven armies
} attacking, ten relatives dead, nine turds a'mailed, eight hitmen
} shooting, seven letter bombs, six gangsters threatening, five lawyer's
} letters, four bashings from her brother, three poison letters, two 'get
} lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm tone.
}
} On the twelth day of christmas my true love gave to me, twelve hydrogen
} bombs, eleven armies attacking, ten relatives dead, nine turds
} a'mailed, eight hitmen shooting, seven letter bombs, six gangsters
} threatening, five lawyer's letters, four bashings from her brother,
} three poison letters, two 'get lost now's, and a 'goodbye' in a calm
} tone.
}
} The 'Mathematical sequence' is of course that Mathematicians and other
} nerds always have to go through the entire sequence before they get
} message. And there the song ends. Which is a pity in a way as on the
} thirteenth day your 'true love' will be dumped by her new boyfriend and
} she'll ask you to take her back.
}
} You owe The Oracle a copy of Og's new book 'Og not live with female, Og
} not live without female, Og not eat female'.


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